


Surfacing

by spellitwithyourpeas



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Frank deals with it too, Karen deals with the after, happy endings y'all, the barest hint of a mention of Matt, the elevator scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 14:50:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellitwithyourpeas/pseuds/spellitwithyourpeas
Summary: Blood soaked and savage, he hadn’t even registered the piece of metal debris sticking out of his arm. He wasn’t going to stop, and she didn’t want him to, she just needed him to slow down.To breathe.





	1. Chapter 1

 

> _“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”_
> 
> J.R.R Tolkien 

 

The exhaustion hit about an hour into Brett’s questioning. Men and women died today, and the air felt heavy with death. The sound of gunfire and explosions had faded, but the red stains on the wall remained. At least for another day before the hotel hastily remodeled. And then onto the next tragedy. Today felt like as much a failure as it did a turning point.

All the interviews felt like a game of cat and mouse and after today, she was sick of being played with. Brett looked at her like she was playing coy, and yeah-maybe she was, but her words were matched with hard steel. She wasn’t going to take any shit or let Frank be the scapegoat. Not today. Not after.

“What did Castle say to you when all this was going down Karen?”

Brett’s voice faded to the background and a quiet hum took over as she remembered the pressure of the gun under her chin. Frank had not been gentle, he couldn’t be. It needed to look real. He had a tight grip on her and she could almost hear the snarl brewing under his harsh breathing.

He hated this. He hated her being in this position. She knew that.

The instant the elevator doors shut, he released her and collapsed against the wall. Karen took a ragged breath and it felt like she was surfacing after diving into frigid water. Her lungs hurt, and she could hear Frank struggling beside her. He looked awful, alive-but awful.

He took a bullet for her. The shock of it all held her captive in her own body. Frank would have died for her. And that knowledge made her stomach twist itself into knots. He kept his word and came for her. Karen never doubted that. She had seen the fear in his eyes as Lewis waved the trigger in front of her.

Still bracing herself against the cool metal, Karen reached out to touch Frank. The pull to feel his warmth was magnetic and an impulse she couldn’t ignore. She reached for him after the blast and she’d continue to seek out his presence.

This time he was slumped too far away. He met her gaze and something of an acknowledgment passed between them.

Her heart raced, and she could see he was already in motion, calculating his escape. And just for a moment, just for a few minutes, she wanted to submerge herself in that freezing water again. To float in limbo with him for as long as she could. Sink to that place where no one could touch them.

She pulled the emergency stop and the elevator lurched before halting its ascent. Her breathing slowed, and she felt clear headed for the first time since Lewis grabbed her.

Karen didn’t hesitate when Frank handed her back the gun. It felt right in her hands. She watched from the corner as he secured his exit. His breathing was still ragged and heavy. Every step he took looked like it drained him of the little he had left to give. Though she never saw him shake from it all, she saw a wild look in his eyes. The mask Frank Castle wore was stripped and all that was left was brokenness. The look of an animal trapped, driven to exhaustion by the instinct to survive. It was what she had been trying to describe to him that night.

“All I can see is just this endless, echoing loneliness.”

Blood soaked and savage, he hadn’t even registered the piece of metal debris sticking out of his arm. He wasn’t going to stop, and she didn’t want him to, she just needed him to slow down. To breathe.

“Frank…Frank.” Her voice was pitched low with emotion.

He didn’t back away when she closed the gap between them.

His breathing slowed. His gaze followed the bloody scrapes on her temple and finally he looked her in the eye. And the more she looked at him, the more he saw. There was strength, sadness, fear, concern, evotion, and love.

Love.

There was a time when he would have left with a skeleton of a goodbye and fled. Not now. Not after everything. Though his body swayed, he stayed his ground.

Frank leaned forward, resting his head against hers. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. Sharing the same breath, it felt like the closest thing to home. Karen leaned in.She watched him find himself again and she wanted to twine her fingers into his gear and hold him to her. To hang on to this moment and never let go. Never go back.

But like ice breaking, there was nothing permanent about their situation. She knew they couldn’t stay in limbo any longer, so she said the only thing she could say.

“Go.”

When Karen backed away she saw something leave him. There was that vacant, wide eyed look again. A mask worn out of necessity. She could see that and there was no anger or blame in her because of it. Frank swallowed hard and his voice was rough when he told her to take care before he made a calculated jump.

She felt tears form as she heard his grunt of pain as he pulled himself through and her heart broke. Scars reopened from a wound she had allowed to heal after that night in the woods. He was gone again.

And that hurt more than the bruises blooming below the surface of her skin. Here they were again, broken and bleeding. And the only right thing about the whole situation was that they were together again, but it couldn’t last. It never did.

“Karen?”

Karen glanced up at Brett and she came back to herself. She cleared her throat, “Sorry, what was the question?”

Brett shook his head. She hadn’t been listening to a word he said.

“I’ll move on to the next question then. You got someone you can call to meet you at home? Someone who can be with you?”

She smiled faintly, “I’ll be fine. Been through this before.”

Brett let out a sigh and straightened his tie, “That’s what worries me.”

Karen gathered her things and had the thought that she’d have to go purse shopping. She made her way to the damaged doorway and Brett followed, a safe distance behind.

“I’m going to send you home with an escort.”

“Brett, you don’t have to do that.”

He held up a hand, “I know. But you look dead on your feet and I think it’s safe to say you’ve had a shit day, so just accept the offer.”

He raised his eyebrows and held her gaze. She swallowed and nodded. This wasn’t an offense, it was a kindness. She didn’t need to fight any more battles today.

Brett’s gaze softened slightly before he waved an officer over and instructed her to escort Ms. Page back to her apartment.

  

* * *

 

The officer walked her up to her door and Karen smiled at her before she shut the door. She slid out of her shoes and turned the lights on, taking in her apartment. She stood there for a moment. Unsure about what to do next. No matter what shit had happened to her, she wasn’t immune to the numbing effect of shock. She wondered if she ever would get used to it.

She knew she should shower, eat and drink something, probably sleep. Rest.

She wanted to sit down to write while the memories were still fresh, but all she did was stand there and start to weep. The whole thing hurt. She angrily wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. Doing nothing wasn’t the answer.

Karen started with a shower. She scrubbed at her skin till it was raw. The smell of blood and fear was caked on her and she breathed a sigh of relief when it was gone. Replaced with her lavender scented soap. Breathing in the steam, she replayed the moment Lewis broke down the door and came into the hotel suite. When she stared down the barrel of a gun. When Frank dove in front of her, taking the bullet.

Karen took a sharp breath and shut off the hot water. Wrapping a towel around herself, she stepped into her living room, half expecting, half hoping Frank would be there dripping blood on her couch. But the room was empty and the only stain on her couch was from spilled red wine.

She changed and ate leftovers from the dinner she made last night and poured herself a generous glass of wine as she ate silently. She wouldn’t allow herself to imagine where Frank was and when…if… she would see him again.

_We are all lonely. Sometimes I think that’s all that life is. We’re just fighting not to be alone_

Her own words came back to haunt her. She dropped her dirty dishes in the sink and carried her glass of wine to the bedroom. She downed the last of its contents and crawled under the blankets, allowing the alcohol and exhaustion to lull her to sleep. Her fight was over for today at least. She’d be a fool to run into the streets to chase after Frank and try to stop him. She knew that now.

It was his choice to make.

She would wait patiently. Ready to embrace him after.


	2. Chapter 2

 

> _"Something in my soul was rising, rising ceaselessly, painfully, and refused to be still."_
> 
> Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The next morning Karen heard a soft knock on her front door and she felt her heart skip a beat. She turned off her sink faucet, abandoning the half clean coffee mug and made her way to the door.

It was him, it had to be. If it was him, everything would be ok now. Her mind raced with desperate hopefulness, as if she could will him to be on the other side of the door. She wiped her hands on her skirt nervously and peered out the peep hole. Her lips twitched up in a small smile.

Foggy Nelson stared back.

She unlocked the door and any disappointment at the identity of the person outside vanished when Foggy gave her a sympathetic smile. She saw him glance at her cuts. In one hand he held up a coffee carrier and in the other, a bag.

“I come bearing gifts.”

Karen grinned and beckoned him in.

“Hi Foggy.”

He set the coffee and donuts down, before turning to her, “Don’t ‘Hi Foggy me’, c’mere.” Foggy embraced her and squeezed tight. Karen hugged back.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” she mumbled against his shoulder.

Foggy patted her on the back and as the embrace ended, headed into the kitchen with his gifts.

“I know. That’s why I came,” he called over his shoulder.

They sat at her kitchen table debating the best donut flavors, talking about Foggy’s work, about his move in with Marci. Foggy didn’t bring up the previous day’s events until after they had finished their coffee and refused to take another bite.

“Have you heard from him Karen?”

There was sympathy in Foggy’s eyes and Karen knew there was only kindness and concern.

Karen shook her head, “No.” She picked at the lid on her cup and waited for his response.

“I’m sorry.”

She glanced up sharply. It wasn’t the response she had expected.

“Sorry for what?”

 “I know how hard it is to not hear from someone you care about. Not knowing whether they’re dead or alive,” Foggy shrugged, “I know how much it sucks.”

Karen reached a hand out to Foggy’s and clasped his fiercely.

“Thank you.” Her voice was full of emotion and broke from it.  Foggy squeezed back, “He’ll be fine Karen. He always is.”

She nodded and gave a small smile. _But this time it’s different._

* * *

 

He knew he needed a routine, something to commit to. His days blended together in beautiful mundanity. Though he couldn’t really call it mundane. This was not his normal.

 He worked and then he was either at group, with Curtis, visiting David or babysitting the kids so David and Sarah could go on a date. David’s eyes crinkled with a smile when he told Frank that Sarah hadn’t been joking when she said _You’ve got a year’s worth of dates to make up to me._

Frank was more than happy to do it and David and Sarah could leave the house knowing the children were in the safest of hands. But when the door shut after them, Frank felt the ever-present flicker of fear. His hands still felt wet with blood and the what ifs played on repeat in his frayed brain. _What if someone comes for them? What if I can’t protect them? What if-_

His thoughts always settled when Leo took his hand after noticing him standing still at the door. She gently tugged him to the game of Operation she and Zach had started playing before her parents had left.

“Ready Pete?” Her smile was sweet, and his heart hurt from it.

“Yeah sweetheart I’m ready.”

David and Sarah always returned home, and Frank returned to his tiny apartment satisfied.

The money David had left him with was generous, especially considering he wasn’t living lavishly. He’d moved on from eating tuna from the package, but simplicity had always been his style. He started taking books out of the library after he’d finished Curtis’s collection. He now only carried a pistol and had one shotgun locked up at home. He hardly slept for days after removing his arsenal.

He still had nightmares, still visited his family’s grave every week. He still noticed things he shouldn’t, heard things he would have once refused to ignore. In those moments, he felt his control start to slip, but rather than let go of his life line he held tight-either calling David or Curtis. Either way the information was passed on to the right people.

His hands stayed clean.

It was like he was a stranger looking in on his life. Everything was so foreign, but even so…even so he could feel himself healing. And since he had started being honest with himself, he recognized the fear more easily. It accompanied every beat of his heart, but he breathed and refused to be carried under the waves.

 It was early December when he was forced to address that which he’d been hiding from. He and David were sitting on the couch, leaning against the cushions watching Sarah and the kids decorate cookies.

Frank was mid sip of his beer when David asked, “So. You talk to Karen yet?”

Frank was silent for a moment, taking in the question as he studied the label of the craft beer David was so fond of.

“Not yet.”

David eyebrows raised, his expression incredulous, “Not yet!? Frank!”

He threw up the hand that wasn’t holding his own bottle, “Does she even know you’re alive?”

He was asking the questions Frank had been berating himself with since the night after the hotel.  He didn’t answer then, and he wouldn’t now. Not yet.

David scrubbed a hand through his beard and sighed, his voice softer.

“Don’t you think she has a right to know? I mean you two almost get blown up and that’s all she’s left with? That’s not how you treat family Frank.”

Frank narrowed his eyes in anger, his voice rough, “You know that’s rich coming from you David! Christ.”

The chatter in the kitchen quieted and Sarah caught Frank’s eye. There was a warning in her gaze before she got the kids back on track. Frank quieted and swallowed hard. David wasn’t fazed.

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong though.” He leaned back into the couch and set down his beer, “C’mon man, what’s stopping you?”

Frank sighed and rested his hands on his knees, “I’m not ready yet.”

David scoffed, “Will you ever be?” He studied Frank noting the twitch of his finger and the way he avoided his gaze.

He smiled, “Ah.”

Frank glared at him, “What? ‘Ah’ what?”

“You’re scared.”

Frank rolled his eyes and shook his head, “I’m not scared. I’m not.”

“Sure, buddy.” David didn’t hide his disbelief and looked back at his family and smiled at the impossible. Frank straightened, “Man why do you even care? You didn’t seem too pleased about her back in your hideout.”

“Firstly- _our_ hideout. And secondly, that was then, this is now.” David leaned forward, “I care because I care about you and she was the only thing you gave a damn about other than your revenge.” He leaned back, “And that seems important.”

Franks sniffed, shaking his head, “That’s not tru-,”

“So now you’re a liar? Frank, you completely lost control after Lewis threatened her. Whatever feeling that fear stemmed from, you don’t run away from that, you hold on tight to them.”

Frank stared at him.

David sighed after a moment before patting Frank on the knee as he made his way to the kitchen. Frank watched him kiss Sarah on the cheek and put an arm around Zach. Frank knew. He knew the other man was right. Sighing, he checked his watch, it was 2:00 on a Sunday. He wasn’t sure if Karen would be home. Wasn’t sure because Pete Castiglione didn’t stalk the people he cared about, he didn’t sit on the rooftop across the street and keep watch anymore. He read Karen Page’s articles and left it at that.

If he had, he might have seen his flowers wither to death in her windowsill.

But Pete Castiglione also didn’t lie to himself. He was truthful about who he was. To himself and others. And try as he might to deny it, Karen was number one on his list of others.

Frank sighed and returned his bottle to the kitchen.

“Are you going to decorate cookies with us Pete?” Zach asked.

Frank smiled, “Not today. Gotta go see a friend.”

Zach nodded, agreeing with his priorities. Frank thanked Sarah for her hospitality and gave Leo a side hug. David grinned, “Best of luck brother.”

“Shut it.”

He drove around Karen’s block three times, each time ignoring the empty parking spaces. Frank gripped the steering wheel hard and grit his teeth. On the drive over, he hadn’t thought of what he would say. He only thought of her and he realized how much time he was wasting.

 Wasted.

He was living in the after now, just as she’d hoped. He still hadn’t gotten used to the taste of freedom. To join the world of the living and he left her behind in the land of the dead.

Frank took the stairs in double time. The climb barely winded him, but he steadied his breath before he knocked on her door.

He waited, straining to hear her steps approaching on the other side of the door. His finger twitched at his side, fearful that he had run out of second and third chances, but then he heard the chain being undone and he knew he had at least one more.

And then there she was. A hand flew up to cover the sound of her sob as she took the sight of him in. His face held no shadow of bruises and his eyes were clear. His gait was steady as he took a step towards her.

“Karen…”

She saw pain and regret drench his expression and she reached out to him. He immediately gathered her in his arms, holding her close.

Her breath was warm, against his cheek and he felt her laugh.

“What the hell took you so long you bastard?”

 

* * *

 

They stood in the hallway in each other’s arms with no care to the passing time. They swayed and pressed close. They stayed because they could.

There were no bullets, no cops waiting, no blood between them.

Karen pulled back first and smiled, her fingers tracing the scar just above his ear. She remembered when it bled.

He must have seen something pass through her eyes, because he gently took her wrist and kissed her pulse point before asking, “You going to invite me in Ma’am?”

She laughed and lead him into her apartment, “Back to ‘Ma’am’ are we?”

Frank flashed a sheepish grin, “Wasn’t sure I’d be welcomed back after…” he stood in her entry way and glanced around, uncertain, “after I never…”

He swallowed and glanced back at Karen.

“I’m sorry Karen.”

Karen shook her head, “Frank, you don’t have to apol-,”

Frank laughed and took a step toward her, “Yeah, yeah I do. After Rawlins…after Billy…I should have reached out. I thought I was going to die and when I didn’t…well I guess I wasn’t sure how to go about living.”

Karen took a step forward, “I always had hope, but the more time that passed…” She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes, shaking away the memory, “the more I wondered. After news broke about Russo being alive, I contacted Madani.”

“She actually talk to you?”

“We’re on good terms. I pass on anything that comes my way that might help her, and she gives me a bull shit free soundbite when the story runs. It works well.”

Karen paused and shuddered, “I saw the tape.”

Frank froze and watched her approach, gaze flickering over his face, remembering the horror and trying not to imagine the pain.

“God Frank.” She shook her head and snarled, “I’m glad he’s fucking dead.”

He nodded, “You didn’t try to find me?”

“I didn’t try to find you because this had to be your choice. As much as I wanted to, I…” She didn’t know what else to say. Didn’t know how to phrase it.

Frank watched her struggle to find the words. He brushed a thumb under her chin and made her look up at him.

“Thank you.”

It was so simple. It was all that needed to be said.

“You’re welcome.”

Any tension left between them, broke.

“You want to sit and catch me up on ‘the new Frank Castle?” Karen asked.

Frank chuckled and followed her into the living room, joining her on the couch. She tucked her feet under her and propped her head against her knuckles.

“It’s actually Pete now.”

“Pete…”

He scrunched his brow together, “Yeah, what’s wrong with Pete?”

Karen laughed, “I don’t know. Nothing I guess, it’s just not ‘Frank’. Do I have to call you Pete now when we’re alone?” She teased.

Frank rolled her eyes and Karen settled in for the story. _The story beneath the story._

He told her everything. Told her what he couldn’t months ago. Told her about his guys and the Lieberman’s. About how he was thinking of adopting a dog. Anything and everything and she laughed and smiled like his words were the key to her happiness. They sat for hours, ordered take out, and watched shitty TV before he took his leave.

Even then, it took another half hour to actually say goodbye. She leaned against the door and gave him a true, but tired smile. He tucked a loose strand of blond hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

“I’ll call you.”

“You’d better, _Pete_.”

Frank laughed and watched her slowly close the door.

Her eyes held the promise of things yet to come. There was hope and recognition of the man standing before her.

It was everything he thought he’d never get back. It felt like coming home.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
